Connect
Not everyone belongs in our inner circle.
Relationships aren’t all or nothing.
As we grow in self-awareness and clarity around our values, we naturally move people closer or further away.
01
The circles
YouThe center
Your values. Your needs. Your nervous system. Your wellbeing.
Inner circleEarned trust
Safe people. Mutual relationships. People whose actions consistently align with your values.
Middle circleGood, with limits
Friends, coworkers, extended family, acquaintances, people you enjoy. Good relationships that don’t require full access to your inner world.
02
How people move
People move closer when they
- Respect your boundaries.
- Repair after conflict.
- Celebrate your growth.
- Are emotionally safe.
- Show consistency and reliability.
- Align with your values.
- Make room for the real you.
People move farther away when they
- Repeatedly violate your boundaries.
- Dismiss or invalidate your experiences.
- Require you to abandon yourself to maintain the relationship.
- Create chronic stress or unpredictability.
- Only value the masked version of you.
- Show patterns that don’t align with your values.
03
Healthy relationships are built by intention
- We can care about people and still keep them in the outer circle.
- We can love someone and still need distance.
- We can be kind and still protect our peace.
- You are allowed to change your mind.
- You are allowed to protect your peace.
- You are allowed to put yourself first.
- You are allowed to choose what feels safe, supportive, and aligned.
Different circles. Different access. Same dignity.
You get to decide who has access to what.
04
Try it yourself
Think of three people. Without judging them, place each one.
Someone in my inner circle, and why
Someone in my middle circle, and why
Someone who has moved farther, and what I noticed