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When Values Collide
Values Series · Handout 3
Feeling pulled in two directions doesn't mean you're doing values wrong. It usually means more than one thing matters to you.
The guide, as designed. The same content is written out below.
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Three places clashes happen
Two of your own values want the same hours.
Rest vs. Contribution: saying yes to a favor on a drained day
Your value bumps into someone else's.
Your Honesty vs. a relative's Harmony: speaking up at a family dinner
A place expects you to act against a value.
Your Authenticity vs. a workplace that rewards masking
Values rarely cancel each other out. Most of the time they are competing for the same time and energy. The question shifts from "which value is right?" to "how do I share what I have today?"
Five ways through
Pick the one that fits. There's no right order.
One leads this week or season, the other next.
Find the overlap Look for one action that honors both.
Choose who leads today Today's choice isn't a forever ranking.
Shrink one for now Keep it alive with a tiny version.
Name the cost Say what you're giving up, and choose it on purpose.
strong values and a sharp sense of fairness can make a clash feel all-or-nothing, as if choosing one value betrays the other. Both can be true at once. Honoring a value partly, for now, still counts.
Untangle a Clash
Pick one clash you're living with right now. Small and specific works best.
A clash inside me
Which way through fits? Check one or two. Tick all that apply
- Take turns
- Find the overlap
- Choose who leads today
- Shrink one for now
- Name the cost
A clash with someone else
A clash with a system I can't change right now
Sources and credits. Draws on ACT values work: values as chosen directions that compete for time and energy, rather than rules that rule each other out. SOLA Brain Library · Values Series